what are you aiming for?

Back in January I decided to document the boys individually each day.  I started taking a photograph of Crews and Tate separately and putting them on Instagram using a specific hashtag for them.  You may have seen others doing this as well.  I actually got the idea from one of my favorite photographers.  I didn't do so well with documenting their firsts.  Or keeping their baby books updated.  And a lot of the pictures I have of them from their first year are of them together. So, I wanted to switch things up for this year.  And, looking back, I am so thankful I chose to do it!  It is so sweet to glance back through their pictures and see a snapshot of our year.  I absolutely love it.  I'm not sure that it will continue next year, in fact it probably won't, but I'm grateful for this year that has been documented daily.

Well, do you know what number today is?  

265.  

That's right.  We have one hundred days until 2013 is complete.  As this number has been approaching, I've been mulling over what I want the last one hundred days of this year to look like.  I want my life to be intentional.  I want to live each day with meaning.  I don't want to look back and think that I wasted one second.  That doesn't mean that my life has to be busy.  It means that there are healthy margins, that there are lazy days, that there is plenty of time to read books and swing and go for walks on top of working hard.  I know that life always gets crazy with the holidays coming.  And now, with the new website launching, it's going to be even crazier.  

But, instead of succumbing to the chaos, I was to embrace it intentionally.

And, I always find it funny the way God reiterates His point to me.  Last week in BSF my lecture leader made the statement, "If you call yourself a woman of God you must be intentional about asking what you're doing with your days and why you're doing it".  That has come to mind over and over during the past two weeks.  What AM I doing with my days?  And WHY am I doing it?

And, then, God reiterated it again on Sunday.  During part of the sermon, our pastor asked us what makes for a successful life.  He asked the question, "if you don't know what you think a successful life is, how can you aim for it?".  He encouraged us to take the time to make our list of what would make a successful life.  Then, he proceeded to give his list.  And honestly, his list seems right on point.  I can't imagine a better list.  So, I thought I would share it with you.

1.  A personal relationship with Jesus that is real

2.  An enjoyable marriage

3.  A great relationship with my kids

4.  The work of my hards being blessed

5.  Enjoying all the God's created for us to enjoy

This was just a portion of his sermon in which he talked about "The Secret Place".  He referenced Matthew 6 and the three things Jesus tells us should be done privately (or without trying to be noticed).  Giving to the needy, praying and fasting (or sacrificing things to draw closer to Him).  Then, he continued to tell us that outward success is dictated by what goes on in our secret life.  My favorite point of the sermon was this:  "When we see someone's life is successful we can be assured that they are spending time in The Secret Place".  When they are successful, as well as their home and their marriage, the relationship they have with their kids and the work of their hands, it is all because they are spending time in The Secret Place.  

Okay, I've gotten a little off track.  Sorry.  Once I got started, I couldn't stop telling you about the sermon!

Back to what I'm aiming for.  If I want to have a life that is successful, I have to figure out what I'm aiming for and then I have to intentionally pursue that with my days.

And now, I have one hundred days.  To finish out this year.  And I don't know about you, but I want to finish strong.  

Step one, I'm ordering this book.  

What are you aiming for?
And what steps are you taking to make it happen?

my normal these days.

I love having twins.  Honestly, I wouldn't trade it for the world!  It's an adventure of a lifetime.  I know I am so, so blessed.  And, I know that so many people would kill to be in my shoes.  It has stretched me in more ways than I ever imagined.  It has unified Jordan and I so much.  We had to learn to work together in everything.  How to support each other, work through being frustrated with each other and raise tiny humans together!

But, y'all.  It.is.hard.

I thought we had survived the extremely difficult phase.  We made it through breast feeding and pumping (my pump - i.e. my third child...) every three hours, getting them to gain weight, figuring out sleeping and schedules, how to travel with two babies and how to conquer Costco and Hobby Lobby.  

Things honestly started getting easier.  The breast feeding moved into kids meals from Chickfila, we figured out the best way to go places, duties started being divvied up without having to discuss who was going to do what, and we learned what to expect.

Except, now?  It's getting hard again.  I'm not discrediting the difficulties in the beginning because they were seriously hard.  And this isn't harder...but it feels like I'm entering Round 2.  

I read this article yesterday and it is so accurate of what it looks like to have twins.  It describes my life. Seriously.  It's funny.  But so true!

And, if you don't believe me, how about a story from yesterday?

It started with a tough morning - nothing huge, just overall it was difficult.  Which resulted in my father-in-law taking me to pick up my car (the oil was getting changed) while I cried the whole way there.  Poor guy.  He handled it really well.  As I sat beside him silently, trying to pull it together.  But really, let's not get into all that, just needed to set the scene for you...to let you know where my nerves were.  SHOT.  At 10 a.m.

After getting my car, the boys and I ran to the post office to send some Moxie Made packages (I've got something exciting in the works!  Eeeekkk!).  I get both of them out, hold their hands through the parking lot - with my packages under one arm and my clutch under the other arm.  We get inside and they proceed to run around in circles in the small area - trying to pull every box and envelope off the display racks.  Thankfully, our post office is not super busy and all the mail workers are incredibly sweet.  We finally get the packages shipped and head out to the car.  

I was putting Tate in the car first, so I looked down at Crews and asked him to stand in the pocket between my legs and the car door, thinking he couldn't get around me.  Just as I sat Tate in his car seat, Crews bolted around my legs and out behind my car where other cars were pulling in and out.  It sent me into a panic.  So, I turned to grab Crews.  As I grabbed him, I heard Tate cry out.  I turned around to see Tate falling head first out of the side of my tahoe (only important because it's up off the ground quite a bit!).  Thankfully I caught him just before his head hit the asphalt.

So yeah...

We drove straight to McDonalds for a sweet tea.

project 52.48

feisty.

Wow.  Y'all are becoming more and more feisty.  

You have been since Day One but as you've gotten older you have definitely honed the skill of fighting for what you want.  I guess it's just a natural thing since you've gotta share with someone else every.single.second.  

Feisty is good.  

But, sometimes I get glimpses of what my days are going to consist of for the next EIGHTEEN YEARS.  

And I proceed to curl up in a fetal position and pull the sheets over my head and pretend that it will always be easy like when y'all would lay in the same place that I put you and coo and giggle all while looking adorable and thinking I was the greatest thing since sliced bread.  

Kidding.  

But, I'd say this picture accurately describes what life is going to look like for a while.  You both wanted the lawnmower.  Ignoring the fact that we have THREE lawnmowers for you to play with, you both NEEDED that one.  So, a fight broke out.  All out war.  

And, as I watched from afar all I could do was smile.  Well and grab my camera so I could snap a picture.  Life is going to be hard as a twin.  As exciting and special as it is, it will also come with difficulties.  

But, obviously your feisty little spirits are up for the challenge!

Chaos.

Y'all.  Life is so good right now.  But, it's also crazy.  This season of life is so sweet but it involves two 18 month old little monsters running around, dragging every pot and pan out of the cabinets, surfing on cookie sheets, flipping off furniture and unfolding every piece of clothing that gets folded.  

This means that in order for me to keep our house somewhat tidy, I am either cleaning up ALL DAY or we are out of the house for the day.  I realize that none of this really matters.  Or at least that's what people say.  But, when your reality looks like the pictures below...you get to the point where you realize it might matter a teeny little bit.  

I finally came to the realization that I can do one of two things during nap time.  I can spend it cleaning and have a spotless house...well, at least until the boys wake up.  Or, I can spend it getting things done. 

Today, for example, was a monogram day.  I had a few things for different people that I needed to get done so I decided to focus on getting all of it done today.  This means that our house was pure chaos.  Like, a mad house.  Seriously.

In fact, it was so bad at 5 p.m. that when I heard Jordan pull in, I jumped up and ran to the door.  And before I let him come in, I explained what I have finally figured out...clean house or productive day.  One or the other.  It can't be both.  Or if it can, someone needs to hook me up with all the detail about how they make that happen!

But, at the end of the day, the house has been tided (thanks, Jordan!), the babes laughed and were read to and snuggled, and my monogramming is finished.  Oh, and I feel like my day was so much more productive than it is on the days I spend time sorting balls from blocks twelve million times.

Happy Wednesday!  Hope y'all are having a great week!

boot camp.

Y'all, it's getting crazy here in The Taj!  

We've got a baby boot camp going on this week.  

Really, I'm exaggerating but I am reading Pre-Toddler Wise.  I know there are lots of Baby-Wise-haters out there and I totally stand by "to each his own".  But, for us, it has worked beautifully!  We have definitely chosen to adapt parts of it and used what worked for us.  Overall, it has been wonderful.  

So, I realized the other day that I was probably a little behind on starting the next book.  This realization came after Tate got mad a few times and tried to roll out the lip and let the alligator tears flow.  As soon as nap time started, I found the next book in Baby Wise and realized that the second book I have is Baby Wise Part II.  It's for 5-12 months.  So yes, I definitely had some catching up to do!  

I finished that book and got Pre-Toddler Wise to read this week.   It has been great.  I love a more concrete plan.  And let's be honest, most of the time I'm just winging it.  So, I've really enjoyed having a goal in mind of how to handle different aspects of raising mobile, independent little 14 month olds!  There are some really great recommendations on how to teach them, structure their days and work on behavior.  

I am excited to try some new tricks and see how it goes.

I'll keep you posted!

project 52.38

unique.

Although you are twins and have so many similarities, you are also incredibly unique.

Since Day One there have been obvious differences about the two of you.

And, although I typically dress you the same, I wanted your Halloween costumes to be different.  I came up with the idea of a cowboy and an indian and was so excited.  Then, I had to decide which one of you would be which.  It only took me a second.  But, before I voiced who I thought should dress up as which, I asked lots of the people closest to you what they thought.  Everyone (except for one) said the exact same thing that I had decided.

Tate, you were the cowboy.  Your personality fits that of a cowboy.  You have a gentle spirit and a tender heart.  I can just see you saying, "Howdy Partner" with a sweet little drawl.  You like to be cuddled.  You soak up hugs and kisses.  You get your feelings hurt if a snack cup or a toy is taken away.  But, you are also incredibly determined to get what you want.  You are usually the one stealing toys from Crews.  No matter what he has, you want it instead of what you have.  It's quite funny.  Recently you have started to smile the biggest smile ever.  Seriously.  Your whole face lights up and you get so excited.  I love this about you.

Crews, your little personality or should I say your big personality fits that of an indian so perfectly.  You are tiny.  But you are feisty.  This has been the case since the minute you were born.  I can just envision you running around with a tomahawk screaming "ah-ya-ya-ya-ya!"  You are constantly on the go.  Working so hard to accomplish your little task.  Whether it be pushing the little riding toy from point A to point B or pulling all the books off the bookshelf.  You are focused.  You are also mischievous.   You have this little grin and look, where you tilt your face down and look up towards whoever your trying to win over.  It works one hundred percent of the time.  People are smitten with you .  I am smitten with you.

I love that you two will always have a special bond of having a twin but I also love that you are both so unique.  You have been since you were born and it has been so much fun to figure out your little personalities.  Your quirks.  Your likes and dislikes.  I'm so excited to spend years studying both of you and figuring out how to love you for who you are.

breastfeeding | nursing.

Nursing.

I'm picking back up on my breastfeeding series.  You can find the first few posts here.

Because the breathe, suck, swallow concept is developed in the last few weeks before babies are born, the twins had a little catching up to do.  They were not able to develop this skill in utero so we had some work to do when they were born.  I was not actually able to nurse the boys until their last week in the NICU.  

We would do kangaroo care (skin to skin) every day because it has been proven to help preemies.  They don't have to work so hard to regulate their body temperature because they are against your warm skin, their breathing will sync to yours and regulate while they are laying on your chest and it's just good bonding time for mom and baby when nursing is not allowed yet and there isn't a lot of "hold time" allowed.  

Around the third week, the neonatologists and I talked about what the NICU world calls "lick-n-learn".  I would pump and then once I finished pumping, we would allow the boys to latch on to try and figure out what to do.  Because I pumped first, they were not going to actually be getting any milk.  So, they could work on the breathe and suck without having to add the swallow component yet.  We did this for a few times and then we got to try nursing.  The boys did great.  And the lactation consultants were super helpful.  Since the boys mouths were so small, we had to work on getting them to latch on correctly.  And we had to work to keep them awake.  Once they got all snuggled up to me, it was challenging to keep them awake and alert enough to actually nurse for any amount of time.  We were able to try for 20 minutes once a day at the beginning.  We had to limit our time so the boys wouldn't actually burn more calories trying to nurse than they would gain from the milk they got.  The Lactation Consultant would come in and weigh the boys, help me with nurse them and then weigh them again.  This allowed us to find out how many milliliters of milk they were getting.

When we took the twins home from the hospital, I was able to nurse them twice a day.  The other six feeds were pumped milk given by a bottle.  Each week I was able to increase the number of times I was able to nurse by one time per day.  

First, many people have asked me, do you nurse them both at the same time?  And the answer is yes.  For months it took too long to nurse the boys separately.  If I was to nurse them separately it would mean I would nurse one and then nurse the other and by the time they were both finished I would only have about an hour before it was time to start over again.  It typically would take 30-45 minutes from start to finish.  If I did them separately, that's 1-1.5 hours!

They sell a fabulous pillow called the Twins + Plus Brest Friend.  It is a necessity.  For real. It allows you to do a football hold with both babes and you can nurse, two babies, hands-free. 

There are some pictures below to show how it has worked for me:

A few notes about the picture above:  I just stuck a burp cloth in between their heads so you wouldn't have to see too much.  Which really, pretty much every woman in my life has seen everything I've got.  Except for the blogosphere.  So consider yourselves lucky :)  Secondly, Robin [the wonderful lactation consultant] suggested taking a blanket for each babe, folding it in half [hamburger fold - does that make sense?], then rolling it up and folding it into the shape of a candy cane.  Then, allow the babe's head to rest in the curve of the candy cane.  This helped immensely when the twins were so tiny.  It helped them latch on because they were higher and it helped my back because I didn't have to hunch over to try and get low enough for them.

When we would go out somewhere I would nurse the boys separately but it was stressful.  It almost made it not worth going out for long periods of time because I would spend so much of the time in the car.  But, over time the boys started taking less and less time to nurse.  This made it a lot easier to nurse when we were on the go.  It was definitely helpful to have someone around to hold one of the boys while I nursed the other.  Typically the other person (daddy, grandma, aunt, etc) would change a diaper while I nursed a baby and then we'd switch.  

Just in the past few months the boys have been able to start nursing together without the pillow.  I always use the pillow if we are at home but if we're out somewhere, we can make it work without the pillow.  They have gotten to the point where they realize what the other one is getting to do and they are super jealous that they aren't the one getting to nurse.  Plus, they are able to hold themselves up a little and they can definitely latch on just fine. 

But, even though I typically nurse them together, it is so sweet when I get to nurse them separately.  Any time I'm at my mom's house, I nurse them separately.  It is such a sweet time to just look into their little eyes and inspect their little toes and ears and hold their little hands.  I love it.  So, I definitely like having a mix of nursing them tandem and then individually as well.

So, I started working on this post back in March and I finally picked back up.  It is hard to believe how much has changed over the past eight months.  I am telling y'all now, this gets so much easier as you go on.  I promise.  I remember trying so hard to figure out a way to make nursing out in public easier.  But, it's just tough for some time.  But, it is just a season.  The super long, 30 minute nursing sessions will cut in half and then in half again before you know it.  The boys only take about 7-10 minutes to nurse now (sometimes even less)!  All that to say, stick with it mamas!  You can do this!  And you will be so glad you did!

project 52.32

bittersweet.

You turned a year old yesterday.

A year.

It's so bittersweet.  

I want you to stay little. 

It's hard to imagine that anything could be better than this first year.  

So I don't want to give it up.

But I also know that each day has gotten sweeter with you.

I have fallen more in love.  

I have loved watching you thrive.

Developing and growing.

Becoming you.

So I look forward to the next year.  Knowing in my head that this year will be just as amazing if not better.  But having to convince my heart, as it longs to stay in this first precious, perfect year.

Happy 1st Birthday Crews and Tate!

Y'all are a year old.

And I am in shock.

I absolutely can not believe that it has been a year.

Since my life was changed.
My world was rocked.
And my understanding of love was deepened further than I knew possible.

I can't believe it has been a year since I met these two sweet faces.

 Crews Joels

2 lb 15 oz

5:48 am

Tate McKennly

4 lb 5 oz

6:01 am

Over the last year I have laughed more and cried more.
Slept less and learned to appreciate life more than I ever have before.
I fallen deeper in love with the two of you every second of the last 365 days.

You have changed my life.

You have made parts of me come alive that I never knew existed.

Thank you for making me a mom.

fun in the leaves!

The weather is gorgeous these days.  

I don't take enough pictures of the twins.

On Sunday, when I was finally feeling better from the worst stomach bug of the decade (which caused us to reschedule the boys FIRST BIRTHDAY PARTY.  Waaaah. I digress...), we snuck outside for some pictures.  

Here are some of my favorites.

project 52.30

adored.

I adore this.  

This time spent with yall.  

It won't be long before you're no longer interested in being only in my lap.  So, I'm going to soak it up. Your Uncle Colby was holding one of you, but you weren't having it.  So, he handed you over and decided he needed to see what was go great about being in my lap, too.

I want to soak up these moments.  

Hold you just a little tighter. 

And hold you just a little longer.  

freaks of nature.

I came across this on Babymaking by Becky.

This is my life. 

I had to share.

 

Happy Thursday!

family photoshoot.

I have seen a row of blue seats at a mechanic shop for the last four years.  Every time I've driven by them, which is pretty often, I have thought about how much I would love to have some pictures done there.  Once the boys were born I knew that I wanted some pictures done there.  Lucky for me, one of my best friends has become an amazing photographer.  So, I asked her if she would just take a couple of pictures of our family in front of mechanic shop when she came one night. 

And so she did.

But then, the idea of one picture snapped in front of the row of blue chairs turned into so much more.  She worked wonders.

I am so incredibly thankful for these memories.  

I will be forever grateful that she captured my family so perfectly.

a baby and an old bald man.

Since the twins were born, I have played a little game with my parents and Jordan's parents.  I will text them a picture of one of the boys and they will guess which baby it is.  

Although they do look different when they are together, we have all gotten them confused when they are separate.  Not so confused that you panic.  But just confused enough to do a double [or triple] take.  

[Thankfully we would never have to actually panic.  Crews has an umbilical hernia so if all else failed, we could just check the belly buttons :)]

My dad is rarely wrong.  Which is quite an accomplishment since he uses a phone one generation newer than a bag phone.  Kidding.  But he does still use a flip phone.  With a screen that is about an inch and a half square.  But, with his reading glasses and his tiny screen, he's still typically dead on.

Well, over time the pace of the game has slowed.  The boys look different.  But, there are still occasional pictures that are difficult enough that I send them along.  

I got one on Monday night and sent it out.  I knew this one would stump someone.

So, my dad immediately called me.

"Jenny, I haven't figured out which baby that is but, who is the old, bald man holding him?"

This is the picture he opened

(in about the size it was on his phone)

And bigger...

That's right.  It's me.

Wow.  Thank you, dad.  I mean, I know that a picture of a reflection is a little blurry.  And canning spaghetti sauce all day doesn't do the best of things to your hair.  And that this angle is like the worst possible of my face.  

But really?  A old, bald man?

So the question remains, which baby is the old, bald man holding?