project 52.47

fearless.

I figured out while we were at the beach that y'all are absolutely fearless.  You run straight to the "mine" (the word both of you use for water - so strange but sweet :)).  You take off sprinting as soon as your feet hit the sand and once you hit the water, you keep on running.  You don't want to hold someone's hand.  You don't want to be stopped.  

And honestly?  It was exhausting because it meant someone had to be right on your heels every second.   And it was even scary at times because if I took my eyes off you for one second, you were headed into the water.  

But, even more than both of those things, it was amazing.  

To see your eyes light up when you took off running.

To hear your squeals of delight when your feet touched the cold water.  

To watch you laugh when the waves came crashing towards you. 

It.was.pure.joy.

It is so representative of how I want life to be with y'all.  I am so, so glad that you are fearless.  God did not create His people to be timid and worried.  And I am so thankful that already you are embracing this life that you've been given.  For you (and for me) it is going to be exhausting at times.  And scary.  Just like it was at the beach.  But, so much more than that, it's going to be pure joy.  

I want to embrace this life fearlessly with you.  

Not holding you back by worry or fear.  

But instead, encouraging you and watching you live.

project 52.39

needed.

Y'all love your mama. 

And, I'd be lying if I said I didn't love it.  

Your Uncle Colby was the same way with your MiMi.  He was attached to her hip.  Like constantly.  In fact, she directed an entire VBS one summer with him on her hip.  Papa (my dad's dad) always told my mom that it was better for her to love us too much than not enough.

My mama, your MiMi, has reminded me of that often.  As I am holding both of you - one on each hip - while there are tons of other people around to help me but you only want to be with me.  She mentions quietly, as others comment about the two of you being mama's boys, that it's okay.  She'll lean over and say, "you know what PaPa says...".  

And she's right.  He's right.  

I will enjoy this time.  Because it won't last forever.  I will be okay when sometimes supper doesn't get cooked or the bathrooms don't get cleaned because you need me.  I'm so thankful to be needed.  One day you won't be as attached to me (although I secretly hope you're always mama's boys).  So, I will cherish every second of it.

the children's museum.

I'm not going to lie, I'm a little protective about this secret I'm about to let you in on. 

But, it's so good, it's hard to stay quiet about it!

A children's museum just opened in downtown Graham and so far it is the best kept secret in town.  

For Christmas this year we gave the twins a membership for the year.  To be honest, I'm not sure who it is more of a gift for.  The boys or me!  

The museum is only a couple of miles from our house and it's right off Main Street.  So, we go for a run and stop at the museum when we're done.  Or, we go for an hour before nap time.  It's a change of scenery for the boys.  They can play and I can take pictures or read or just sit for a few minutes.  It makes for a wonderful break, believe me!

The under two section is my favorite.  It's enclosed so the boys can explore without me having to constantly redirect them.  Also, there's only one way in and out so I know we're completely safe when it's just us in there.  I'm not on constant edge about making sure I can see both boys at all times.  

I'm actually pretty territorial over our little under two section.  When someone else comes in I kinda stare them down in hopes that they'll feel super uncomfortable and leave us alone.  Just kidding.  Kinda.

Except when it's their daddy who shows up at the gate.  He stopped by while we were there today and spent a few minutes playing.  

He's such a good daddy.  I hope Crews and Tate come to understand just how blessed they are.

Anywhoo, back to the museum.  Like I mentioned, it's a nice little secret.  We live in a small town and the museum is new.  We were talking last week about how we were hoping that it would do well.  And truly, I do hope it does well.  But, I have to say, I was also glad when school started back around here so that we could have a quiet random mornings or afternoons there.

Okay, enough talking and a few more pictures from this afternoon:

boot camp.

Y'all, it's getting crazy here in The Taj!  

We've got a baby boot camp going on this week.  

Really, I'm exaggerating but I am reading Pre-Toddler Wise.  I know there are lots of Baby-Wise-haters out there and I totally stand by "to each his own".  But, for us, it has worked beautifully!  We have definitely chosen to adapt parts of it and used what worked for us.  Overall, it has been wonderful.  

So, I realized the other day that I was probably a little behind on starting the next book.  This realization came after Tate got mad a few times and tried to roll out the lip and let the alligator tears flow.  As soon as nap time started, I found the next book in Baby Wise and realized that the second book I have is Baby Wise Part II.  It's for 5-12 months.  So yes, I definitely had some catching up to do!  

I finished that book and got Pre-Toddler Wise to read this week.   It has been great.  I love a more concrete plan.  And let's be honest, most of the time I'm just winging it.  So, I've really enjoyed having a goal in mind of how to handle different aspects of raising mobile, independent little 14 month olds!  There are some really great recommendations on how to teach them, structure their days and work on behavior.  

I am excited to try some new tricks and see how it goes.

I'll keep you posted!

project 52.31

innovative.

It's crazy how you just learn to make things work once you become a mom.  

This week, you both fell asleep in the car on the way home from running errands.  This mama was in desperate need of a few moments without being tugged on or spit up on or cried for.   And, I knew that you would not fall back asleep if I woke you up to put you in your cribs.  So, I parked in the driveway and ran in to grab my bible study and the perfect guilty pleasure, BooBerry cereal (thank you, October!).  I got back in the car, and enjoyed 45 minutes of quiet while y'all napped in your carseats.

Ya gotta take it when you can get it, mmmkay?

project 52.30

adored.

I adore this.  

This time spent with yall.  

It won't be long before you're no longer interested in being only in my lap.  So, I'm going to soak it up. Your Uncle Colby was holding one of you, but you weren't having it.  So, he handed you over and decided he needed to see what was go great about being in my lap, too.

I want to soak up these moments.  

Hold you just a little tighter. 

And hold you just a little longer.  

project 52.20

committed.

On the day you say, "I do", you really have no clue what you're getting in to.  You think you've got your relationship figured out.  You think you know what you need to know.  You think your days are all going to be easy and happy from there on out.  

But, thankfully, God designed marriage as a covenant.  Between not only husband and wife.  But also with God.  So that, when you realize that you don't really have your relationship figured out, and you definitely don't know all you need to and your days aren't always happy, it's okay.  Because you're committed.  You not only said I do, but you said for better or for worse.  You're in it for the long-haul.  

Your daddy and I celebrated four years of marriage this week.  And I am here to tell you, marriage is tough.  And frustrating.  And a constant challenge.  But, it's also beautiful and rewarding.  It's amazing to know that someone has promised to love you forever.  And that you have committed the same to that person. 

And, I will tell you, this fourth year has been incredible.  The two of you have made our marriage even sweeter than before.  We have become a team.  Working hard to care for and love both of you well.  I have seen your daddy become a daddy.  I've watched his excitement as you arrived in this world.  I've watched him love you. I've watched his face light up when he sees you.  And it has been amazing.  

So, although marriage is difficult, I want both of you to know that we are committed.  To making our marriage, the foundation of our family, great.  We are in it for the long-haul.  And we are excited about it.  Thank you, for making life even sweeter for us.

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preparing my heart.

I just read this post from my friend, Heather.


She titled it Radical Obedience and talked about how he biggest desire for her son's life is that he be radically obedient to Jesus.  No, her biggest desire isn't that he is happy.  Although we all do want that.  But the most important thing is that he be radically obedient to the call that God has on his life even when it's hard.


You should read it.  Seriously.


I left this comment in response:

"Oh my word. SO good. And so true! I was just talking to one of the boys the other day while I was rocking him and I told him something similar. That I wanted him to love Jesus with every ounce of his being. And obey Him even when it seemed crazy - even when He was leading him in some way that seemed crazy from a worldly perspective.

 I'm sure his four month old mind processed all of that perfectly. "

And then it also made me realize that I need to prepare my heart for that too. 


Because this mama's heart will want to keep them safe and sheltered as they grow up. 


But nothing about being "radically obedient" to Jesus is safe and sheltered. 


So, I need to be ready to trust Jesus with these precious little lives. Knowing that He has a plan for their lives that is not always going to be the easy, safe road but it will be a plan that will bring glory to His kingdom. 


Which will be beautiful and messy but oh, so worth every second.


I pray that for Crews and Tate.  That they will be radically obedient.


And I hope to remember this one day if one of them comes home and tells me he is moving to Uganda or that he's giving up everything to pursue something that seems crazy to me but something the Lord has specifically laid on his heart.


It will be tough.  Especially when it's dangerous and not "by the book".  When I know that the road won't be easy.  And that I can't shelter him every step of the way.  But I trust Jesus.  And I am so thankful that He has entrusted me to lead them to Him so He can use them for His glory.

breastfeeding series.

I started my post about being "free" on Monday and I was just going to give a quick update on how breastfeeding has been going.  It started out as a general, quick breastfeeding post.  But, I then I realized that I've got a ridiculous amount of stuff to say.  And it was getting wordy.  And I wasn't even sure how to combine every aspect of this into one post, anyway. 


So, I thought how about I just write a pumping post?  Then I'll write a nursing post.  And then one about milk supply and storage and all of that.  And then...


I realized I typically don't follow through on these multiple post things.  I have to say what I want to say right then.  Because I often don't make the time to actually follow through.  But then I also realized, I will really write about this.  Because when I was pregnant with the twins I had so many questions about the actual process of nursing twins.  And I wanted to see, so badly, what someone's real life looked like while nursing twins.   I've become super passionate about it and I know that when I was pregnant with twins I searched and searched for a blog post that just showed what a real-life, twin mom was doing everyday with breastfeeding.  What it looked like for her.  I never found one that just kind of explained her process. 

So, I've decided to do a little mini series :)

This may be of interest to no one.  So, I'm sorry if I bore you with all these details.  But, if it helps one twin mom out there who's trying to decide whether she should attempt to breastfeed, or one twin mom who's going to go against all the people who attempt to tell her it will be too difficult and time consuming to do this with two babies, or one NICU mom who thinks that this would be too stressful under all the circumstances...then it will be worth it!  Plus, I've gotten questions from my friends and family about it so this will be a good place to just kinda get it all out there!

So, without further ado....I present:

I'm sure all of this will evolve as I actually write out the posts, but I'm thinking that these will be the general topics I'll talk about:

1.  Get help.

2. Pumping.

3.  Nursing.

4.  Breastfeeding while out and about.

5.  Milk supply and storage.

6.  Equipment you need.

I know that some of these will be individual posts.  But then others may morph into one post.  I'll throw a few funny stories in here and there from my experience so far.  And I may do a FAQ if people want to know something that I'm not covering.  

Are there other topics that you'd like to hear about?

How it all went down...(part two)

So, we're picking back up from yesterday.

They moved me to a labor room and I talked to the doctors about when we should call our families.  My parents live about 2 1/2 hours from the hospital and we definitely didn't want them to miss anything but we also didn't want them sitting in the waiting room all day Tuesday waiting for the babies arrive.  Dr. Gilner told me that I should probably go ahead and tell them to head this way because the babies were definitely coming and they were coming sooner rather than later.  With my blood pressure rising, they were going to see how things progressed.  But if things didn't progress quickly they would do something to move the process along.  So, we called our parents and told them to head to the hospital.

A little while after being moved to our room they came in and decided to break my water. They checked me before breaking my water and I was dilated to a 5.   An epidural was required in case of an emergency c-section on Baby B.  But, I had told my doctor that I really wanted a natural delivery so I wanted to wait until the last second to get the epidural. (I also was very adamant about trying to deliver the boys vaginally.  Which is often uncommon with twins - doc will tend to automatically want to do a c-section)

 Our parents arrived and my sister, brother and brother's girlfriend arrived and we filled them in on all the details.  I was so concerned at one point about not having any mascara on and about my face being buuuusteeed ("pregnancy glow" must be a myth....for realz).  So my mom and mother-in-law took a few minutes to "fix" me.  Which, you will see from the pictures afterwards, did not do a ton of good - I still looked rough.  But, for some reason I thought that some concealer and waterproof mascara were going to change my appearance from woman that just pushed out two babies to a cover girl ad.  Ahem, I was apparently confused.

(MiMi and Nonny)

So, annnnyway, I labored for about two hours after they broke "Baby A's" water and then they gave me the epidural.  Then they checked me about 30 minutes after the epidural and I was at a 10 and ready to push!  I think Dr. Gilner was quite surprised that I was at a ten.  She told me we had to go and we had to go right then.  That Baby A was about to make his grand debut and we better get to the OR...STAT :)  I begged Dr. Gilner to give me five minutes and she granted my request.  Our families came back in the room and prayed over me.  I just knew that I wanted God to be in the OR with us.  This was really about to happen.  We were going to deliver two baby boys.  At 32 weeks and 4 days.  And they were going to be taken to the NICU.  So I definitely needed all the prayers we could get.

Sidenote:  Praise the Lord for the dr. appt on Monday afternoon!  Since I was already in labor on Monday afternoon when I arrived, they told me I would have probably ended up at the hospital at some point in the middle of the night anyway in labor.  And, with how quickly everything progressed, we would have probably ended up having these babies in the car on the way to the hospital if we hadn't had the doctors appointment that afternoon!).

(Jordan in some tiny scrubs :)  They let him change into a different pair that were made to fit someone taller than 5 1/2 feet.)

After we prayed, they rushed me to the OR (again, just in case of an emergency c-section).  It was 5:30 a.m.  They went into turbo mode trying to get everyone ready because Crews was about to make his grand debut a little faster than thye were expecting.  There were lots of people in the OR.  A team for each baby and then medical students, anesthesiologists and a couple of OBs.  It was crazy in there.

I told Dr. Gilner that I hadn't taken any kind of class and she offered to give me the Cliff Notes version of delivery.  She give me a 2 minute overview explaining that one push is considered pushing for 10 seconds, taking a small breath, and doing that again two more times.   Then, after the two minute lesson, it was time to start pushing.

(Dr. Swammy, Me and my double chin)

(Dr. Gilner)

I pushed 1 1/2 sets of pushes with Crews and he arrived at 5:48 a.m.  They rushed him into the next room with one team of doctors.  They told me he weighed 1340 grams.  I asked how much that was in pounds and ounces and...dead silence.  No one could answer me.  Out of the twenty plus, highly educated people running around in the OR...no one could tell me. After a few seconds of silence, I asked "anyone?" and a doctor spoke up over to my left and said, I'm working on it.  She had a pencil and paper out trying to convert it.  They told me "umm...about 3 lbs.".  They checked him out and brought him back to the bed and let us meet him for the first time.  He was beautiful.  I was so amazed.  That he was mine.

(Seeing sweet Crews for the first time)

I only saw him for a quick second before it was time to start pushing again.  Tate arrived even faster than Crews.  I pushed a couple of times to get Tate to move down so I could start real pushes.  Then, I pushed one set with Tate and he came out squirming at 6:01 a.m.!  He didn't cry at the beginning but once they got him to the next room and started checking him out, I heard him start crying.  It was such a sweet noise!  Unfortunately they didn't get to bring him back to my bed because they had to take him straight to the NICU. Jordan help the door open as they wheeled Tate away so I could at least see him from afar.

(Jordan went to take a picture of Tate so I could at least see him on my camera!)

What an amazing blessing...an easy delivery!  It was the most amazing thing I've ever experienced.  I am still in wonder and awe of how our bodies are designed!  Jordan and I were both just so overwhelmed at the thought that those twenty little, perfect fingers and twenty little, perfect toes had been inside of me.  That's what we had been feeling move around in my tummy and here they were, outside of me!

(Us with Dr. Gilner - LOVE that woman!)

Okay, how about a part three?  I'll pick up with that soon :)

Hospital Trip One.

Okay, well...how about a little update :)

I've been MIA for a while and I wish that I had a better excuse!  Being sick for so long put me a little behind on lots of to-do items.  So, I've been spending my free time trying to get caught up.

Well, that is until last Tuesday.

I wanted to blog about this so I can remember all this down the road!  All the details are starting to run together and it's not even been a week!

I started having contractions Friday before last but didn't really get too worked up because I had heard about so many people having Braxton Hicks contractions throughout their pregnancy.

Jordan and I went with Heather, Christopher and Baby Hamilton out of town for Labor Day weekend.  While we were there, I continued having contractions.  I didn't really get too worried about anything until Sunday night when they seemed more frequent.  But then, on Monday, they calmed down again.

On Tuesday, at work, they started up again and seemed more regular.  I started timing them and they were every 25-30 minutes.  

When I left work Tuesday afternoon, I called my OB office just to make sure I didn't need to be doing anything.  The triage nurse suggested that I head to the hospital if I had more than four in the next hour.  Well, I was on my way to my dentist office for my six month check up so I went on to the dentist - and explained that I would probably need a quick cleaning - but they sent me on my way.  They quickly offered to reschedule my appointment :) 

So, I went and picked up Jordan and we ended up here:

They sent me straight up to the Labor and Delivery floor and started monitoring the babies' heartbeats and my contractions.  

Which, of course, we had to document for the blog :)

There are three different strips on me in this picture to monitor Baby A, Baby B and contractions.  But, Baby A was so low you can hardly see the band.  He was sitting on my right hip bone!

After monitoring me for a while, they told me that I was having more than just Braxton Hicks contractions.  They were actually very regular which was worrying them.  So, they gave me two shots of terbutaline to stop the contractions.  And they gave me the first steroid shot to develop the babies' lungs.

The next morning they let me leave the hospital and put me on strict bed rest.  They told me I could only get up to use the bathroom, take a shower and eat supper.  And that I had to lay on my side, completely flat.  They also told me that I had to come back on Wednesday night at 11:30 p.m. to get the second steroid shot in the butt :)

My new friend, Joyce, rolled me out to head home on Wednesday morning.

There's been a little bit of action since then - I'll have to post those details tomorrow.

But - for the most part, I've been laying in the bed and on the couch!

Hamilton.

Meet Hamilton!

8 lbs. 

21 inches.

The beautiful Neese family.

So thankful for the blessing of this beautiful baby boy!

print for the nursery.

source

this might just have to find a place in the nursery :)

loveeeeee.

when we told.

We found out in April that I was pregnant and decided to tell our families at Easter.

We bought giant eggs from Hobby Lobby and filled them with the Easter basket grass and candy.  We didn't want anyone to be suspicious - so we knew they'd assume this was just a little Easter gift.  When they opened the egg there was a paper taped inside the top of the egg. It had a picture of our positive test with the words:  "Baby Conklin Coming December 2011".

We spent Easter morning with my family and then went to Jordan's parent's house for lunch with his family. 

I will post pictures and other videos soon [I'm having trouble with the file formats] but I couldn't wait any longer to show this one.

And, I haven't been able to edit it, so it's straight from the video camera. 

Jordan was videoing.  He was trying to be discreet initially but we weren't expecting FMIL to open her egg as quickly as she did (she thought we brought it for the kids).  So it took him a second to get the lens cover open (the reason you can hear before you actually see anything).  Then, it gets a little shaky because he was talking and hugging while trying to keep videoing.

We are so excited.

And I would say FMIL is too, what do you think?

the reason.

So, I've been MIA.

...for months.

But, I've had a good reason, I promise!

I was incredibly sick.

I'm talking...unable to function kinda sick.

This kind of sick for three months.

But, it's all for a good reason because....

I've definitely got a lot of catching up to do!

Happy Monday!

burpcloth lollipops.

Okay, so What I Wore Wednesday never happened last night.

I know you were all anxiously awaiting that post.  Ha!

Actually, we spent last night watching the movie 127 Hours.

It was amazing! 

It's about the guy that was mountain biking by himself and while walking through one area, a rock fell on his arm and trapped him for 127 hours!  He almost died but ended up cutting his own arm off to get free.

It's a true story! 

You should watch it.

But, be warned, the language is bad.  And the arm being cut off is pretty gruesome.

Okay, now that we've talked about a man cutting his own arm off, let's move on to burpcloth lollipops.

How's that for transition?

My friend, Kate, also ordered these.

I embellished some organic, Gerber cloth diapers and made them burp cloths!

Here are some pictures of the burpcloths:

Then, I made the burpcloths into lollipops!

The lollipop "stick" is actually a baby spoon :)

Cute, and useful!

A friend told me that burpcloths were one of her favorite gifts when her daughter was born.  She said she used so many of them every day!  So this has become my choice of baby gift for any shower I go to!

I'd love to make you some!  If you're interested in placing an order, let me know :)