my normal these days.

I love having twins.  Honestly, I wouldn't trade it for the world!  It's an adventure of a lifetime.  I know I am so, so blessed.  And, I know that so many people would kill to be in my shoes.  It has stretched me in more ways than I ever imagined.  It has unified Jordan and I so much.  We had to learn to work together in everything.  How to support each other, work through being frustrated with each other and raise tiny humans together!

But, y'all.  It.is.hard.

I thought we had survived the extremely difficult phase.  We made it through breast feeding and pumping (my pump - i.e. my third child...) every three hours, getting them to gain weight, figuring out sleeping and schedules, how to travel with two babies and how to conquer Costco and Hobby Lobby.  

Things honestly started getting easier.  The breast feeding moved into kids meals from Chickfila, we figured out the best way to go places, duties started being divvied up without having to discuss who was going to do what, and we learned what to expect.

Except, now?  It's getting hard again.  I'm not discrediting the difficulties in the beginning because they were seriously hard.  And this isn't harder...but it feels like I'm entering Round 2.  

I read this article yesterday and it is so accurate of what it looks like to have twins.  It describes my life. Seriously.  It's funny.  But so true!

And, if you don't believe me, how about a story from yesterday?

It started with a tough morning - nothing huge, just overall it was difficult.  Which resulted in my father-in-law taking me to pick up my car (the oil was getting changed) while I cried the whole way there.  Poor guy.  He handled it really well.  As I sat beside him silently, trying to pull it together.  But really, let's not get into all that, just needed to set the scene for you...to let you know where my nerves were.  SHOT.  At 10 a.m.

After getting my car, the boys and I ran to the post office to send some Moxie Made packages (I've got something exciting in the works!  Eeeekkk!).  I get both of them out, hold their hands through the parking lot - with my packages under one arm and my clutch under the other arm.  We get inside and they proceed to run around in circles in the small area - trying to pull every box and envelope off the display racks.  Thankfully, our post office is not super busy and all the mail workers are incredibly sweet.  We finally get the packages shipped and head out to the car.  

I was putting Tate in the car first, so I looked down at Crews and asked him to stand in the pocket between my legs and the car door, thinking he couldn't get around me.  Just as I sat Tate in his car seat, Crews bolted around my legs and out behind my car where other cars were pulling in and out.  It sent me into a panic.  So, I turned to grab Crews.  As I grabbed him, I heard Tate cry out.  I turned around to see Tate falling head first out of the side of my tahoe (only important because it's up off the ground quite a bit!).  Thankfully I caught him just before his head hit the asphalt.

So yeah...

We drove straight to McDonalds for a sweet tea.

project 52.47

fearless.

I figured out while we were at the beach that y'all are absolutely fearless.  You run straight to the "mine" (the word both of you use for water - so strange but sweet :)).  You take off sprinting as soon as your feet hit the sand and once you hit the water, you keep on running.  You don't want to hold someone's hand.  You don't want to be stopped.  

And honestly?  It was exhausting because it meant someone had to be right on your heels every second.   And it was even scary at times because if I took my eyes off you for one second, you were headed into the water.  

But, even more than both of those things, it was amazing.  

To see your eyes light up when you took off running.

To hear your squeals of delight when your feet touched the cold water.  

To watch you laugh when the waves came crashing towards you. 

It.was.pure.joy.

It is so representative of how I want life to be with y'all.  I am so, so glad that you are fearless.  God did not create His people to be timid and worried.  And I am so thankful that already you are embracing this life that you've been given.  For you (and for me) it is going to be exhausting at times.  And scary.  Just like it was at the beach.  But, so much more than that, it's going to be pure joy.  

I want to embrace this life fearlessly with you.  

Not holding you back by worry or fear.  

But instead, encouraging you and watching you live.

A Parent's Checklist

I attend a bible study every week called Bible Study Fellowship (BSF).  It's a phenomenal program that is worldwide.  One of the coolest things about it being a worldwide program is that people all over the world are studying the same chapter of the same book of the bible each week.  They operate under a 4-fold approach.  There are notes that you take home to read, a lesson you complete each week, a small group that you meet with and then a lecture that you hear as one big group.  The lectures are so, so good.  They also have an unbelievable children's program.  Even as young as Crews and Tate.  It's not just babysitting for the hour and a half.  It's structured time of singing hymns, telling a bible story, and interacting with the kids.  I can't speak enough about how awesome the children's portion of BSF is.  If you are looking for a bible study to get involved in, you should really check this out.  You can go to their website to learn more about the study as well as finding a class near you.  Most classes meet at local churches who are gracious enough to offer their facilities for hundreds of women and children to come each week and study the bible.

Sorry for the long intro.  This was not my purpose in coming here this morning.  But, I just felt like I should give you a little background info.  

So, one of the things that you can pick up each week in addition to your lesson is a Home Training Lesson (the yellow sheets that they offer out in the lobby).  There are typically some great ideas of how to parent you kids.  Offering thoughts on how to interact, discipline, encourage them, etc.  I don't always make the time to read mine because, let's be honest, some weeks I'm doing good to get the lesson done and the notes read.  But, this week someone in our small group mentioned it.  She picked if up before classes started and happened to skim over it.  There was a checklist on the back that she said was fabulous.  So, I grabbed one after lecture and quickly realized that she was right!  The list is so good.  It's a checklist of things parents should be doing every day.  

Now, before I post it I want to say something.  As soon as I skimmed it, I started picking out all the things that I am not doing consistently enough or well enough.  But I quickly realized, this should be an encouragement to me!  Not something to beat me up about what I'm not doing well.  I should be spurred on to add to the things that I'm already doing.  And I should find comfort and encouragement knowing that God is honoring the things I am doing because he specifically tells us to do these things (there are verses that support each item on the checklist).  How awesome!  Some days when the days are long and I don't have enough patience or energy left, I am encouraged to know that the work I am doing is not in vain.  I am training up young men of God.  Providing them with the tools to live a life worthy of their calling.  So, I am encouraged!  Knowing that there are additional things that I can do to impact their lives and wanting to stretch and grow in order to bless them and honor God in this thing called motherhood.

So, wow.  Enough talking.  Here's the list:

A Parent’s Checklist

o  Hugged my child and told him, “I love you” (Luke 15:20)

o  Prayed specifically for my child (1 Chronicles 29:19a)

o  Listened carefully when my child wanted to talk (Mathew 18:5)

o  Read to my child (Proverbs 4:1-4)

o  Discussed God with my child (Deuteronomy 4:9-10)

o  Expected obedience from my child (1 Timothy 3:4)

o  Exhibited patience with my child (1 Corinthians 13:4)

o  Sang or listened to music with my child (Psalm 8:2)

o  Spoke about his father/mother with loving respect (Colossians 3:18-19)

o  Did not expect behavior beyond his or her age capabilities (1 Corinthians 13:11)

o  Trained him or her with appropriate boundaries and consequences (Genesis 2:16-17)

o  Punished disobedience with appropriate measures (Jeremiah 17:10)

o  Helped my child learn something new (Luke 2:52)

o  Encouraged my child to do something for someone else (Galatians 6:10)

o  Took action to shield my child from evil and harmful influences (1 Corinthians 13:6-7)

o  Challenged and helped my child to do something he though he could no do (1 Thessalonians 5:14)

o  Avoided punishing my child when I was angry (Psalm 103:8-14)

o  Exhibited good manners for my child to model (Matthew 7:9-12)

o  Commended my child for a valuable character quality (Galatians 5:22-23)

o  Read the Bible to my child (2 Timothy 3:15)

o  Prayed with my child (Matthew 18:19-20)

o  Modeled only those attributes I want my child to emulate (1 Corinthians 4:16)

o  Laughed with, not at, my child (Romans 12:15)

o  Thanked my child for something he did (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

o  Gave my child some responsibility (Titus 3:14)

o  Did not talk negatively about my child in his presence (Proverbs 12:18)

o  Praised and thanked my child more than I criticized him (Proverbs 16:24)

o  Asked my child’s forgiveness when I was wrong (James 4:6)

o  Forgave my child immediately (2 Corinthians 2:7-8)

o  Made time to be alone with my child (Deuteronomy 6:7)

o  Did not make a promise to my child that I cannot keep (Ecclesiastes 5:5)

Now, I know that it's a lot.  But, there are probably many on this list that you already do.  Intentionally or maybe even unintentionally (which, how cool is that, that God can use even things that we unintentionally do to impact our kids! - encouraging and convicting :))

So, here's my plan.  I printed a few of these on a smaller piece of paper (to fit inside my planner) and have I plan to use them for the next week or so.  For the first few days I plan to check off these items at the end of the day.  Not referring to the list constantly to see what I still need to do for the day (I'm afraid that would end up looking a little something like this:  "Okay, Crews and Tate - now we're going to sing...ready?  This little light of mine...laalaalaa until the song is finished - and by the way, I was supposed to give you some responsibility - so how about you put this book away.  Oh and let's have a tickle fight right quick so I can check off the laughter one. -- All within five minutes...I'm thinking that's not the point of this list :)) .  

After the first few days I'm hoping to choose a couple that consistently haven't been checked off and be intentional to add that into my day.  Over time I am hoping to make a habit of the majority of these.  They are really phenomenal ideas.  And really?  This motherhood thing is a priority.  A top priority.  So I should some time figuring out how to be best at this job.  

I guess we can consider this "professional development"  :)

Chaos.

Y'all.  Life is so good right now.  But, it's also crazy.  This season of life is so sweet but it involves two 18 month old little monsters running around, dragging every pot and pan out of the cabinets, surfing on cookie sheets, flipping off furniture and unfolding every piece of clothing that gets folded.  

This means that in order for me to keep our house somewhat tidy, I am either cleaning up ALL DAY or we are out of the house for the day.  I realize that none of this really matters.  Or at least that's what people say.  But, when your reality looks like the pictures below...you get to the point where you realize it might matter a teeny little bit.  

I finally came to the realization that I can do one of two things during nap time.  I can spend it cleaning and have a spotless house...well, at least until the boys wake up.  Or, I can spend it getting things done. 

Today, for example, was a monogram day.  I had a few things for different people that I needed to get done so I decided to focus on getting all of it done today.  This means that our house was pure chaos.  Like, a mad house.  Seriously.

In fact, it was so bad at 5 p.m. that when I heard Jordan pull in, I jumped up and ran to the door.  And before I let him come in, I explained what I have finally figured out...clean house or productive day.  One or the other.  It can't be both.  Or if it can, someone needs to hook me up with all the detail about how they make that happen!

But, at the end of the day, the house has been tided (thanks, Jordan!), the babes laughed and were read to and snuggled, and my monogramming is finished.  Oh, and I feel like my day was so much more productive than it is on the days I spend time sorting balls from blocks twelve million times.

Happy Wednesday!  Hope y'all are having a great week!

good words.

morning y'all.

the boys are down for a nap.  the washing machine is just finishing up on the sheets that have been overdue for a wash.  i'm enjoying my second cup of coffee.  the windows are raised and i'm wearing my favorite outfit of all time - shorts with a long sleeved shirt.  it's going to be a good day.  i just know it.  

before i get started on editing another newborn session [yay!  have i mentioned, these are my faves?] i just wanted to tell you about a sermon that i heard a few weeks ago.  it has been on my to-do list to blog about it since halfway through hearing it for the first time.  it was just that good.  the words have stayed on my heart and on my bathroom mirror in a dry erase marker since i heard it.  i can't not pass it along.

we go to a church that is phenomenal.  it has been such an answer to prayer.  every sunday, brian gets up there and speaks truth.  that is all i can ask for.  but, not only does he speak truth straight from the bible, it is also totally apparent that his first value after his relationship with Jesus is his family.  no ifs, ands or buts.  he loves his family.  in such an intentional and passionate way.  when you hear him talk about them you just know.  

this sermon was right up his alley.  and his words could come right out of a making things happen intensive.  it was called the 7 habits for highly effective parents.  here are a few things he had to say:

• our job is to believe Him and pray.it.down!
• forget childhood psychologists - the Bible is your only instruction manual (no offense to childhood psychologists :))
• build habits (weave them in) that make things great

Here were his "rules":

1. Seek God daily
• highly effective parents LIVE to SEEK HIM
• not just believing but CHASING after Him 
• your children need the love of God in you more than anything else
• the cry of our hearts should be "He is real!"
2. They are leaders not followers
• we must buck this culture - it is grabbing our kids and mashing them into it's mold
• don't float down the river like an old, dead fish (he's a country boy, that's fer sure :))
3. They are in touch
• open hearts and build relationships
• you can live with less stuff - it's worth a smaller home, used car and less belongings to be present with your kids
4. They understand the power of words
• your kids lives are in the power of the tongue
• your lips shape your child's life ("set a guard over my lips" - psalms 141:3)
• words speak life - use your window of opportunity to speak life
5. Make Life Happen
• In three places:
• At the dinner table
• this is the make-it-or-break-it place
• At church
• find a church where God is moving with leaders who love Jesus and a great children's program - it is worth everything (your job, house, etc)
• At the beach, campsite, fire pit in the backyard - wherever you can make memories!
6. Train and teach life
• answer situations with truth
• with your words
• and, with your actions (Philippians 3:17)
7. Aim high
• the goal is not to just cook food, pay bills and make it through life - God is the light of the world and we are made in his image!
• set your goals high and let God reach them through you

And some final notes:

• Dad + Mom:  
• we can be great models through Christ 
• we can have great marriages (it will be a blessing if you can get there)
• decide - "we are going to have the greatest family on Earth", "we are going to see great things happen"
• "I don't care if my kids make minimum wage and live in my truck - they are going to shine for Jesus!"

y'all.  just typing this gets me fired up!   but, i know that i can't do it justice.  you need to HEAR IT!  so, if this sparks even the slightest bit of interest, let me know!  i would love to mail you a cd of his sermon.  seriously.  please comment or email me (jenny.s.conklin (at) gmail (dot) com) and i will mail you one.  

i so desire for my home to be the greatest place on earth.  i want jordan and i to build that for our kids.  i want people to walk into our home and feel Jesus.  i know that somedays we have a long way to go.  but, the good news is that God can reach this goal through us.  we are imperfect and always will be.  but God can work through us to make our home just that.  a place where Jesus is near, people feel loved, our kids are nurtured and the good news is shared.  this is my heart's cry.  and i will work towards this with everything i've got.  join me?  let's do this together.

happy tuesday, friends!  

project 52.43

unexplainable.

It's strange what happens when you became a mama.  It's like you become this person you never knew you were.  My mama used to do things that I couldn't even understand.  Like staying up all night making Easter outfits and cleaning up puke without flinching.  And here I am.  Doing just that.  

We been sick around here again this week.  Tate, you woke up in the middle of the night a couple days ago and I came into the nursery to give you a paci.  When you wouldn't take it, I picked up up to rock you.  As soon as I picked you up, you puked all over me.  Then, today, I walked in after nap time and Crews, you were picked up and taken straight to the tub.  Throw up was all over your crib.  

And really, it's just what you do once you become a mama.  You don't think twice about it.  You immediately pull that sick baby out of their crib and allow them to nestle into you.  Even when it's stinky or dirty.  You want to care for them with every ounce of your being.  You want them to feel loved and cared for.  Safe and comfortable.  

I read a blog post today and at one point the author said:

"I laid down me to make more of you and it wasn’t a sacrifice but the unexpected grace of motherhood"

And that's just it.  

I don't force myself to be this way.  I don't even make the choice not to mind throw up and losing sleep (which if you know anything about me, you know sleep is precious in my eyes).  

It's just who I am now.  It's the unexpected grace of motherhood.  And I am oh, so thankful that I can experience life this way.

project 52.42

saturated.

Lately my days have been filled to the brim.

With joy.  With laughter.  With love. 

I am so incredibly blessed to be your mama.  And I want to soak in every single one of these days.  Last night you were exhausted, Tate.  And Crews, you were giggly.  We went into your nursery for your bedtime routine and it was my most favorite part of yesterday.  It was exactly what I envisioned my life to be like as a mama.  You both nursed and then Crews, you climbed up in Daddy's lap for prayers.  Tate, you slowly gave in to your exhaustion in my arms.  Crews, you giggled throughout the entire prayer while poking Daddy in the face.  And Tate, you slowly sank your little body into my arms and began to breathe deeply.  

After prayers we continued to linger in your room.  It was as if both of us realized that these moments are fleeting.  I want to hold tight these moments where I can feel what I was created to be.  Where I can fully soak it in and recognize just how incredibly blessed I am.

fit to burst - a book review.

via

How about a little book review on a random, cloudy Tuesday morning?  This book has quickly shot to the top of my list as the book I will recommend to mamas.  It was perfect for the stage of motherhood I am in but I am sure that it will continue to be relevant throughout the time my kids are young.  

I read Fit to Burst in the course of a few days because I honestly could not put it down.  As soon as the boys would go down for a nap I would sit down and start reading, I stayed up way later than I should have until I could no longer hold my eyelids open and I would even try to sneak in a few pages while I was sitting in line at the bank or a drive thru.  It was just that good.

As I read this book, I felt like I was sitting down over coffee with the author.  I  love a book written like this.  One that is easy to read because it's not full of flowery language that I have to decipher.  Rachel is also in the trenches of motherhood which I think helps.  She isn't looking back over all the lessons she learned through the years.  Instead, she is writing lessons as she learns them and as she works through difficult or frustrating or beautiful times.  There were multiple times that I would read a chapter and by that night, I would find myself in the same predicament she had talked about.  I was able to put her advice into practice immediately not just store it away for a future time when my life wasn't as chaotic.  She teaches lessons you should use in the chaos.  

She also discusses different issues in each chapter.  I get so fed up with the books where you read the first few chapters and get the main jest of the book and the remaining fifteen (or more!) chapters are just examples of the points made in the first few chapters.  This does not happen in this book.  She hits on so many different areas of motherhood.  And she manages to step on your toes in every area!

And all of her lessons?  They point to Jesus.  He is the main theme.  It's not a book full of all kinds of tricks and ways to become a good mother and then be able to serve Him once you've figured out the mom thing.  It's serving Him through being a mom.  Honoring Him when you're cleaning a high chair for the sixth time (no, really.) or rewashing the load of clothes your left in the washing machine overnight.  It was such a sweet, sweet reminder of where my heart should be in this process of raising these little munchkins.  And where Jesus should be.  In the forefront.  Not pushed to the side until I have a minutes peace to do my bible study.   But instead, He should be praised and honored through the blowout diaper and the days when you get nothing done except hold your babies because they aren't content anywhere else.  

I could go on and on about this book.  Honestly.  

I have to share a part in the forward the sucked me in.  It made me know this book was for me.  Because she was not just stepping on my toes, she was all.up.on.me.  about this:

"I don't pull punches or hold back in this book, because I am writing to myself as much as to you.  I know that as mothers we face very similar temptations, and we have a unique opportunity to sympathize with each other over those challenges.  We have a common bond.  We are the sisterhood of the people who know about long days.  That is true.  But the fact that we all face the same temptations should give us a burning desire to conquer them, not to wallow in them.  I write hardhitting things to myself, because I want to grow in grace.  And I'm sharing them with you in the hopes that they will strengthen your faith and encourage you to mother in a way that honors Christ."

Okay, for real.  Go buy the book.  Like, now.  Download it on your iPad or your Kindle (I had to download the Kindle app on my iPad because it's not offered through iBooks - I know the Nook App has it too but you have to search the whole title - including the subtitle - not just "Fit To Burst").

But, in case you're still not sold (is that possible, really?) here are a few of my other highlights in the book.  And I say a few because if I were to give you all of my highlights it would probably equal two-thirds of the book.  And I don't think Rachel would be super appreciative of me typing almost her entire book out on my blog.

"The more we are steeped in the language of the Bible, the more we will recognize when things from the world are slipping in"

"Motherhood is not just a job, it is an identity. More importantly, it is an identity that begins and ends with giving."

"Christ's life given up for others is the centerpiece of our faith.  Our lives given up for others is the centerpiece of our faithfulness."

"It is about growing in Christ in the mundane.  It is about seeing the gospel in the work you are doing.  It is about joy and faith and laughter beyond the sacrifice."

"They should see us laboring hard to make a beautiful life for them while not losing sight of them in it." 

"We should not be correcting our children in the interest of making our lives easier (although it almost certainly will).  Correct them in the interest of making their lives richer." 

"Christian women who seek to honor God as they work through the mundane, repetitive tasks that are given to them will be used for bigger things." 

"Cheerfully embracing the mundane work in your life, diving into the challenges, working harder than you would think we possible at the little, at the trivial, at the boring - these are all ways to say, 'Use me Lord; I am your servant." 

"If we want to be doing things like this for our kids (she's referring to all the dreams we have of what being a mom will look like - craft days and fort building are two of mine), we need to be doing them.  The time is now.  We need to be now who we want to be then.  The future is happening right now." 

"It is a mother's job to communicate the love that the father has towards his children...When we take the work that our husband does and turn it into fellowship around the table, he is able to enjoy both the fruit of his work and the enjoyment of his love.  He provided for us, and we are rejoicing in that." 

"Honor and respect him specifically as you raise your children, because having a right relationship to the father of your children is one of the greatest gifts that you can give your children." 

On cooking:  "It is a very simple way for me to dig my hands into blessing my family in a super-tangible way...Preparing and serving food isn't just one of the most repetitive jobs that we have, it is also one of the most powerful." 

"There is a way to use your faith to strengthen theirs, and there is a way to use your faith to weaken theirs.  Our faith should be a shield to protect our children's faith." 

"We have nothing to fear in the opinion of others if we are right with God."

Okay, go buy it!  And come back and tell me how awesome it is when you finish it on Friday :)
 

project 52.41

mushy.

This whole being a mom thing has totally turned me into a ball of emotions.  

It has been such a beautiful process.  So difficult to put into words.

And, although so much else has and will continue to define me, mother will forever be my favorite part of who I am.  The two of you have created a new person in me.  I see things differently.  Process things differently.  Feel things differently.  

More deeper.  More passionately.  More fully.

I looked at the two of you in your daddy's lap last night, as we read a bible story, and I was taken aback by this overwhelming emotion.  This is my life.  You three have my heart.  And I am so eternally grateful for this opportunity.  This blessing.  To be your mother. 

I'm afraid I will be mushy from now on out.  But it is worth every second of being mushy to know that I can feel like this.  And that I can love like this.

Thank you for this gift.

one of those days.

You know how you wake up some days and you are on it!  You wake up thirty minutes earlier than usual and get a head start on your day before the kids wake up, you tackle your entire to do list before lunch. Make time to read books and tickle your babies.  Your house stays clean (okay, semi-clean) and your laundry is all caught up.  You know the kinda day I'm talking about?  

Well, today has not been that kind of day.  In fact, it's been quite the opposite.  

I have dealt with more fluids today than I care to all week.  I'm sure you're thinking, "that's weird, what does she mean?"  Well, let me just tell you.

First off, Crews and Tate have crazy runny noses.  Like, nonstop.  So every time I turn around I am wiping snot.  Then, I happen to look in the pack-n-play which is full of everything from the remote to a tennis shoe to a sippy cup.  When I look in, I happen to notice a sippy cup.  That we used like three days ago.  For milk.  And the sippy cup is still half full.  Gag me.   

After breakfast Tate spit up twice.  Which doesn't really happen as much anymore.  So it has started grossing me out again.  Once he spit up in the middle of the kitchen floor and then the second time in a basket of clean clothes I had just gotten out of the dryer.  

Later while changing diapers I noticed that Tate's bum looked a little irritated so I just let him run around naked for a few minutes.  Which is like the best treat ever.  So of course, Crews wanted to be naked as well.  After getting them undressed I went to get their outfits for the day and throw their pjs in the laundry room.  I was out of the playroom for like two minutes.  

I came back and Crews had POOPED IN THE FLOOR.  

And, not only had he pooped but he was STEPPING in it!  

And SMOOSHING IT BETWEEN HIS TOES.

It's hard to turn the day around after that.

So, my house looks like this:

Like I said, today has not been one of those "I got this" kinda days.  

Oh yeah, and I stole a gallon of milk from Aldi.  On accident.  It was in the bottom of the stroller and I forgot about it.  Till I got out to the car and loaded the boys up.  I wasn't about to go back in.  

Don't worry Mom, I'll pay for it next time I'm there.  Promise.

project 52.39

needed.

Y'all love your mama. 

And, I'd be lying if I said I didn't love it.  

Your Uncle Colby was the same way with your MiMi.  He was attached to her hip.  Like constantly.  In fact, she directed an entire VBS one summer with him on her hip.  Papa (my dad's dad) always told my mom that it was better for her to love us too much than not enough.

My mama, your MiMi, has reminded me of that often.  As I am holding both of you - one on each hip - while there are tons of other people around to help me but you only want to be with me.  She mentions quietly, as others comment about the two of you being mama's boys, that it's okay.  She'll lean over and say, "you know what PaPa says...".  

And she's right.  He's right.  

I will enjoy this time.  Because it won't last forever.  I will be okay when sometimes supper doesn't get cooked or the bathrooms don't get cleaned because you need me.  I'm so thankful to be needed.  One day you won't be as attached to me (although I secretly hope you're always mama's boys).  So, I will cherish every second of it.

project 52.38

unique.

Although you are twins and have so many similarities, you are also incredibly unique.

Since Day One there have been obvious differences about the two of you.

And, although I typically dress you the same, I wanted your Halloween costumes to be different.  I came up with the idea of a cowboy and an indian and was so excited.  Then, I had to decide which one of you would be which.  It only took me a second.  But, before I voiced who I thought should dress up as which, I asked lots of the people closest to you what they thought.  Everyone (except for one) said the exact same thing that I had decided.

Tate, you were the cowboy.  Your personality fits that of a cowboy.  You have a gentle spirit and a tender heart.  I can just see you saying, "Howdy Partner" with a sweet little drawl.  You like to be cuddled.  You soak up hugs and kisses.  You get your feelings hurt if a snack cup or a toy is taken away.  But, you are also incredibly determined to get what you want.  You are usually the one stealing toys from Crews.  No matter what he has, you want it instead of what you have.  It's quite funny.  Recently you have started to smile the biggest smile ever.  Seriously.  Your whole face lights up and you get so excited.  I love this about you.

Crews, your little personality or should I say your big personality fits that of an indian so perfectly.  You are tiny.  But you are feisty.  This has been the case since the minute you were born.  I can just envision you running around with a tomahawk screaming "ah-ya-ya-ya-ya!"  You are constantly on the go.  Working so hard to accomplish your little task.  Whether it be pushing the little riding toy from point A to point B or pulling all the books off the bookshelf.  You are focused.  You are also mischievous.   You have this little grin and look, where you tilt your face down and look up towards whoever your trying to win over.  It works one hundred percent of the time.  People are smitten with you .  I am smitten with you.

I love that you two will always have a special bond of having a twin but I also love that you are both so unique.  You have been since you were born and it has been so much fun to figure out your little personalities.  Your quirks.  Your likes and dislikes.  I'm so excited to spend years studying both of you and figuring out how to love you for who you are.

project 52.36

content.

Motherhood is a beautiful thing.

I am right where I need to be.  

I am living my dream life.  

Seriously.  

I honestly have no desire to be anywhere else in my life.  It's an incredible feeling.  In any stage of my life I have always looked forward to another stage.  Or another job or another goal.  

But not now.

I can't fathom anything else being sweeter in this life than these days I am spending with the two of you.  

doing things differently. and that's okay.

If there is one thing I decided to stand by before becoming a mother it was "to each his own".  I had seen how different each mother does things.  And I had realized that that was okay.  All because it's done differently doesn't mean that it's wrong.  

Motherhood is a beautiful journey.  And I love that each journey is different.  I love learning from other mothers.  Observing the way they walk this road.  And then figuring out each step of my path.  

Kelle [yes, I'm totally going to refer to her by her first name because we're bffs...didn't you know?] wrote this on her blog a while back and I loved it.  It's exactly how I feel about our family, this blog, our life. 

"I have no mission statement for the blog because my brain is far too scattered to ever be summarized into one sentence. But if I had to choose something for this space it would simply be Welcome to Enjoying the Small Things. We might look different than your family, we might believe differently, we might raise our kids differently, and we might choose priorities that are different than yours. But really, we are the same. I hope you feel that and I hope that fact makes you feel welcome and accepted and encouraged to live your one wild and precious life. And if we approached every one we ever met with that philosophy, I think the world would be a kinder, gentler, more understanding place."

 I want my family's life to be an encouragement to others to live their one wild and precious life.

project 52.29

terrifying.

The way you have rocked my world is a beautiful, terrifying thing.

Yesterday we went to eat lunch with friends at Jason's Deli.  Right after we got lunch started, they announced that we had to evacuate the restaurant because it was on fire.  It became quite chaotic.  A nice employee came over and offered to help me with getting outside.  She offered to start rolling Crews outside (the high chairs there are on wheels) with our friends and my friend, Crystie, offered to roll you, Tate.  Just while I grabbed all of our stuff.  I was a little uneasy about the employee taking Crews but figured since I could keep an eye on her rolling him out, that it would all be okay.  Plus, hello, the restaurant was on fire.  And people were running all over the place.  So, I watched her roll Crews out and she came back in and told me she had left him at the table with our friends. 

I got outside and once I got there, realized there was actually only one baby at our table.  I turned in a circle a couple of times and realized I was missing a baby.  I panicked.  I dropped everything and took off running around the front of the building (I will never, ever forget that Meg also dropped everything and started sprinting across the parking lot).  As soon as I turned the corner, I ran straight into Crystie rolling you out in your high chair.

Immediately, I burst into tears.  Like hysterical tears.  Crystie looked up, completely confused about what was going on.  Then, she realized I was worried you were missing.  We walked back to our table through a tunnel of people staring at what just happened.  While I continued to sob.  

I could not stop shaking for the next thirty minutes.

I always knew that it must be super scary for a parent to lose a child in Walmart or at the park.  I would see it happen and I could tell there was a scared look in their eyes.  I imagined it must feel terrible.

I never imagined it would be so terrifying.

I never imagined I could feel fear so heavy.  So real.  So deep.

Fear in my soul.

Using the word traumatic to describe the day would probably be an understatement.

I have burst into tears several times since. 

I've never been more thankful for the four of us to be under one roof as I was last night.

This love I have for you is a beautiful, terrifying thing.

project 52.27

attached.

We have a new development. 

Over the past month y'all have decided that you're pretty attached to me.  I'm sure it is the combination of being with me all day every day, the fact that you're nursing and maybe...just maybe that y'all are going to be mama's boys {yay!}.  So far you are still okay with being in the nursery or being held by others as long as I'm not in the same room.  But, if you see me for a split second, it's over.  You're screaming to be in my arms.

This has resulted in some strategic moves at home.  If you're playing in one room, I have to get everything done in the room where I am while peeking in to check on you occasionally.  But, I can't walk by in your line of sight.  So, if someone looks in the window these days they may see me running through one room to the next.  Or crawling on all fours to get to the kitchen while you're in the family room.  Ya gotta do what you gotta do :)

I've realized though, that this will only last for a season.  There will be a day, sooner rather than later, that you won't want to be in my arms all the time.  So, I'm choosing to find joy in having a baby on each hip for hours each day.

And besides, I'm pretty attached to y'all too.