Saturday, January 10, 2009

An innocent little trip to Belk.

I have to preface this post by saying that I have no idea how I can portray this story in writing so that it will be anywhere near as funny as it actually was.

Tonight I was telling Worker Man about it in Target and I started crying from laughing so hard, almost peed in my pants, and literally was squealing/spitting while trying to explain this.

He didn't really get it.

So, if when this doesn't make any sense whatsoever... come back tomorrow and maybe I will have something for you that makes a little more sense.


Today my friend Heather and I went to run errands together and I wanted to stop by Belk. It's been like a month since I have bought a new purse and you know, that is waaaay too long. I had some gift cards so we went to see if there was anything I couldn't live without.

Sidenote: I found something I liked, had the nice lady ring it up and then realized, I forgot my gift cards!! I'm an idiot.

Keep in mind all that I'm about to tell you happened in about 10 seconds.

On the way in, there was a parking space available and as I pulled in, I realized that there was one of the small Belk carts in the space. Well, since Monique (my 1992 Camry) is a beast, I felt like she could handle a little tap of the cart to get it out of the way. The parking lot was pretty empty and I didn't really feel like it would be an issue. Heather offered to get out and just move it but I quickly assured her that Monique could handle it.

Yes, I know you're wondering WHY I needed to park in the one spot that had a shopping cart in it if the whole lot was empty and to be honest, I do not have a good answer. I don't think I really thought about it until this whole situation was over.

So, as I tap the cart to move it out further in front of me, I notice a woman walking through the parking lot towards her car. Then, suddenly, the buggy takes a quick turn to the right and starts heading towards one of the like five cars in the massive parking lot.

Immediately I begin to SCREAM at Heather. Yelling "GET OUT OF THE CAR, GET IT, GET, GET IT" repeatedly. And, because I don't think she is moving fast enough, I begin smacking the side of her thigh while still screaming the same line over and over. I am so focused on watching the buggy I hardly realize that Heather is trying her best to unlock the door, get out of her seatbelt, and catch the cart. Finally she turns around and yells (please know, she is not a yeller) "I'M TRYING!!!"

During all of this, the woman walking through the parking lot has sprinted to catch the buggy seconds before it slams into the only new car in the parking lot.

Finally, after I stop screaming and beating her, Heather figures out how to unfasten her seat belt, unlock the door, and only then is she able to get out.

Just as she stands up, the sprinter turns around and glares at us like two crazy people. Quickly Heather wishes that she hadn't figured out the whole unlock the door and unfasten the seat belt thing.

We quickly explained that it was already there and how I tapped it when I pulled in.

Then we walked away with our heads down and our tails between our legs.

I'm sorry for the bruises Heather.


  1. Poor Monique! I'm laughing outloud as I type this. AND, I'm thanking the Lord that it was Heather in the passenger seat, and not me. I bruise easy.

  2. This story made me laugh out loud!! I love it!!

  3. You are DEFINATELY... a rebel without a cause!!! And if you ever plan a road trip to the west coast... I'm IN! :)

  4. gahhhh....not only did i mispell the stupid word...i ALL CAP'ed it to emphasize my shortcomings! ... definitely!!

    Love ya...and thanks for taking care of 2Shaye this weekend!