project 52.44

scary.

In the past month I have come across two different articles that talked about raising brave boys.  Both spoke straight to my heart.   One referred to so many of the "heros" of the Bible.  The brave souls that were willing to step up and say, "Here I am, Lord".  To be used by God to do scary things.  The author mentioned something I've never really thought about.  

All of these boys had mamas.  

I know God can use anyone, regardless of how they were raised or what their personalities are. But, the point was that these boys were raised by mamas (and daddies) who influenced their lives.  

How am I influencing y'alls lives?

My goal is that you both will become men that are willing to be used by God to do whatever He has called you to do.  Even if it's uncomfortable.  Even if you might fail once or twice.  Even if it's scary.

But, as your mama, that requires two things from me:

1.  That I am brave.  I must set the example.  I must show you what it looks like to trust God fully.  Stepping outside of my comfort zone to do what He has called me to do.  Even if it seems crazy.  And even if it's going to make me give up things I don't want to give up.  I want you to grow up with that being your normal.  Seeing your parents listening intently to what God is asking them to do and immediately doing what He asks.

2.  It also requires me to let go of fear.  In the weeks following your birth I remember praying specifically that if God wanted to use you in Kenya one day (or any other place for that matter) that I would be excited for you.  That I would be willing to let go.  Not holding you back from what God is calling you to do.  I prayed that.  Very specifically.  On multiple occasions.  But, as time has gone on, I have realized it is becoming harder and harder to imagine you coming home one day and telling me you're moving halfway across the world because it is where God has called you to be.  But, I am committed.  To letting go of that fear.  And being excited for you.  For what God is going to do through you.

So, now, here it is in writing.  For you to hang over my head in eighteen years :)  

No, but really, I am so so excited to see what God has in store for both of your lives.  I can't wait to see how He uses you to do incredible things.  I will do my best to be an example of a brave disciple of Jesus and I will pray daily that God will give me the ability to release you into His care.  Knowing that He can take better care of you than I will ever be able to.